2/14/16

A Letter to My 13 year-old Self




So when I was around 12 going on 13, just going into 8th grade, I had experienced a lot and went through a lot. I was reading old journal entries and looking at old Facebook messages and pictures and I decided to write myself a letter and share with you guys!
Dear Enfiniti,
 Where do I start. You just turned 13, your family is going through some issues, your friends are stabbing you in your back, you feel like no one understands, but I do. You feel like your little sister, Brighe, is a burden, you feel as if you helped raised the kid, even though that isn't the case, it's how you feel. You feel like your 13 birthday was a complete disaster, but do yourself a favor, don't hold against your mom, she's trying her best at the moment and doing all she can. Enjoy the day spent with your mom, younger siblings, with homemade cake and watching movies on the couch instead of wishing you were with friends who could care less about you. Enjoy this day, it hasn't been days truly like this in at least 2 years, you've been waiting for this, enjoy it.
   
    Your so called "friends". First let start with your peers from elementary school. It's been over 7-8 years, they've changed, they've moved on, they don't hold on to the days at the lake, waiting to be friends again. Heck half of them are currently doing things you would dare think twice about doing. This "friendship" you guys are trying to recreate, yeah it's not going to work. It's going to do nothing but cause you tears and hurt, hating that you yet again let someone in and lies you've believed. But here's a tip you are going to listen to a thousand more lies, please save the tears it's not worth it, you are currently in this bubble, and once you hit 9th grade, you'll realize just really how sheltered you've really been. 

  At school, excuse my french, but it is just pure HELL. Don't lie to yourself it is. These same kids have been picking on you since like the 6th grade for being the preppy good church girl. You've gotten used to being called "Oreo", " White Girl", "Stuck Up", "Know-It-All", and "Too-Good". But you haven't quite gotten used to the whole church girl and innocent one, do us both a favor and embrace it. Love it, adore it, please because if not, in two years you are going to regret it. Oh and proudly blast your Luke Bryan, Taylor Swift, and HAIM. If people really want to be your friends, they will accept you for you. Back to "friends", stop allowing the same people back in just to hurt you or tear you down for the things you like. Be a your own person, sit by yourself at lunch and read your book if you have to, the characters in the book are way better then your so called "friends" anyway if you ask me.

  A few more things. That weight problem you have brush it off, you are 118 lbs. You are fine, your so called stomach, let it go, do a few abdominal exercises and keep it moving. That thought of not eating or purging, please don't take it any further than a thought. Trying to do it just makes you miserable, hungry, guilt-filled, teary eyed, and... empty. I know the things going on at home make you want to binge then purge,  but trust me it's not worth, at all. Also don't be afraid to cry well at least behind closed doors. Let it all out at night, write it down, unfortunately right now is not a good time to go cry to mom, she doesn't really need the extra problems, be strong for her, and as for others never let people see you cry, don't make a scene, suck it up and put a smile on your face, even if it's those tight straight line smile your grandma does, do it.Because trust me if not those people will use every moment you've cried in front of them against you, literally every.

 As for everything else, congrats with the launch of your new blog. It's has been a total success and you will become more and more proud about your work and get well noticed. You meet other supportive bloggers and have a great little online community, so don't stop keep going, there's so much to look forward to. You will finish 8th grade with a bang and finally be part of National Junior Honor Society, which you have been striving for since 6th grade, which you should've joined in 6th grade instead of being intimidated by upperclassmen and the teachers, but you're a pro at this by now. You are on all the teachers good sides, have wonderful feedback, great relationships with them, know the school like it's the back of your hand, know the best hangout spots, can analyze each and every clique, know what teacher to go to for food, vending machine, or just to do nothing, so yeah you go Glen Coco. Enjoy this last year with some of the most amazing people who haven't hurt you. Who helped you expand your horizons, learn more about culture, made you laughed, cried with you, made the some of the best memories with, I mean trust me high school will be so much better. But again enjoy this last year, enjoy the movies and pizza, and the field trips. Enjoy the dance offs at the most random moments and standing on the tables. Enjoy running down Duke sidewalks screaming at the top of your lungs in the freezing cold, and having lunch with the college kids. Enjoy being literally the youngest in your class. Enjoy the guy friends, who literally give you NO DRAMA AT ALL, and will also teach you that boys are not, not to be trusted. Enjoy all of this because this year will flash before your eyes and the next thing you know it's the end of the year, you're all dressed up, laughing, crying, sharing memories, and crying. Then you'll all be going your separate ways, losing contact, talking here and there, wishing you were all together again, heads on each others shoulders because you guys were y'all different and nobody can change that. Do yourself a favor and hold on to them. Hold on to the ones who loved you for you, who invited you to the party, who looked out for you, who was your partner and crime. Then let go of the ones who hurt you, which I will go ahead and spill you will let go of all but one, and you find out why in the next letter. Enjoy 8th grade girly, enjoy middle school because high school is literally going to punch you in the face and you will, I quote, you WILL become addicted to coffee, music, group texts, SparkNotes, oh and you'll become best friends with your English and Math teacher ( Math... shocker I know right! I was like whoa!)

Till next time!
xoxo,
Enfiniti

P.S. Don't cut all your hair off into a Afro to go natural. The older you will hate you for this and will act like a baby and whine, and sob every chance she gets about how she misses her shoulder length hair, and I mean EVERY CHANCE! 


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