Breathe Series: Out of the Woods

Monday, July 11, 2016

It's been a while since I did one of these. I know, as you read this and put pieces together you could slowly figure what's been going on with my MIA series. But here's a short tale for your day. Enjoy.

Cease listening, my son, to discipline, and you will stray from the words of knowledge. {Proverbs 10:17}

Here's a tale of a girl. A girl who was always on fire for God that became astray. She was lost at sea, she was what the bible called lukewarm, and then she became plain cold. She went from loving church services, sharing the gospel, listening to calming Christian every morning, coffee with friends sharing the word, and being on fire for God to doing things she would soon be completely ashamed of. Thinking things she never thought she'd think. She threw away jewel and everything she was taught for cheap, tainted lies of the enemy. The good bubbly Christian girl was gone. She became depressed, had rapid mood swings, feel back into old habits. She lost all her fire and drive for Jesus. She felt she was stray, like she was wondering. But she felt she was lacking something in her life, and that thing was Jesus.But she felt she had ran back to old habits so many times, that God wouldn't forgive her or trust her anymore, like he'd given up on her. She also failed to realize some of her wrong. But as wise woman once said, "He can't cleanse you, if you keep denying you are dirty." So she laid and bed one night and cried out to the man upstairs.

That girl was me. Enfiniti' Jones, the good girl. I had fallen between the cracks. But there was something in me. Determination. That fire that had been gone had suddenly found it's way back. I was determined to get back on track after my wrong. See I knew in my heart that God forgave, but his presence was missing. he was silent. So I began doubting, and I was then for sure God had taken his hand off me. But I said no, not so, it can't be. So I prayed more and cried more with determination in my heart and cry. God felt sooo  distant, but I was determined. I soon realize God wasn't ignoring me. He still loved me. He was testing me, putting me in a place to focus solely on him. So I turned off social media to focus solely on him. To get my peace, joy, and happy state of mind back. I really needed to stop and focus on Jesus. Se in this period of silence I have to prove to God that he can trust me and that I fully trust him and have faith in him. Silence is hard, you feel like you're not putting in enough and sometimes a little unworthy, or like you are going nowhere. But in an essence you are growing and learning. I am determined to become fully devoted again and live my life for Christ to the fullest. I did at one point think that God didn't love me, but Ephesians 2:4-5* says otherwise. The silence is teaching me to trust him, about faith and about endurance. 

If you ever feel lost or distant. First know that God loves you, and this is only a test that you can pass even if you feel like you can't. Pray, meditate, and trust in him. Refraining from social media helps. It allows you to just sit, listen, and meditate. Worship and adore him even when he seems absent. Know that always God is your refuge, it's never to late to try again. And again God LOVES you always, even in your mess or when you can't seem to look at yourself in the mirror.

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